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Boarding school: Mrs Jayne Gouge, mother of Emily, Year 9, and William, Year 11

Why did we look at boarding schools?
As a child of parents based overseas, I myself went to boarding school at a young age and it seemed the most natural thing in the world to send my own children too. With the transient lifestyle we lead, my husband and I believe that boarding school life provides the best possible education in terms of standards, discipline, opportunities, stability and continuity in our children’s lives.

How does the CEA help?
CEA for most families, including ours, is the difference between being able to provide a boarding school education for our children, or not. It is simply not an affordable option without this marvellous aid, provided both by the MoD and HM Foreign Office, whether serving in the UK or overseas. Because CEA is provided from Year 3, our children were also able to benefit from a prep school education at St John’s in Devon. This crucial stage gave them a distinct advantage over those children attending boarding school for the first time at Year 7 or later.

What made us choose the Royal Hospital School?
We were enormously impressed by the sheer scale of opportunities on offer to the pupils and the scale of the campus on which to take up those opportunities. The whole ‘picture’ of the school was every bit as important to us as the academic side. We liked particularly the fact that it is a full boarding school and therefore the boarding community is very well catered for. This is of particular importance to overseas-based parents. We also, being a military family, particularly liked the fact that the children are actively encouraged to participate in CCF, take part in regular ‘divisions’ parades and have to take personal care of their issued Naval uniforms. This is a unique part of life at RHS, which our children enjoy and which we feel very proud to have them take part in.

How did I feel about the children boarding?
Our children started boarding school at age seven, at St John’s Prep School in Sidmouth, Devon. We then moved them, together, aged 11 and 13 to RHS to complete their education. As we were based in Cyprus when William first left home for prep school, it was a very difficult wrench, but I had also been an overseas boarder from the age of eight and so I knew that he would be fine once in school and in the daily routine. It was much harder for my husband to come to terms with sending the children away, although he was in no doubt that they would receive a better and more stable education.

Nowadays, overseas children tend to fly home for half-term holidays – an unheard of luxury back in the 1960s when I was a schoolgirl. With a maximum six-week separation, the farewells are generally much less traumatic than they used to be, thankfully!

How did the children settle in?
Both children settled in well quite quickly and I believe that it is much easier for a younger child to adapt to boarding school. William settled in more quickly than Emily, and while there were often tears at parting in the first few years, she always maintained that she was ‘fine when I got to school’. She is now quite emphatic that she would never swap boarding school life for day school.

What are the benefits of boarding?
For the pupils, boarding school life offers a close companionship between fellow peers. The house system enables new pupils to settle with a smaller group before venturing out into the wider circle. Living in such close quarters with one’s peers forces a sharing, caring and generous attitude towards others. It can, however, be very claustrophobic for older new pupils who have never shared a bedroom at home and find it difficult to cope with the very relaxed ‘borrowing’ of each other’s possessions that is very much part of boarding school life. There is, inevitably, a degree of friction, but there is no choice but to buckle down and get on with each other, a very important lesson for later life!

My children love the fact that wherever we go in the world, their school friends and routine at school remain constant. There is none of the fear of a new country, new school and possibly non-Englishspeaking peers to cope with. They know that they will always spend all their half-term and holidays with us, if they wish, and that it will never be more than a six-week separation. For us, we can relax knowing that they are in familiar territory and happy. Boarding school life has made our children confident, gregarious, well adjusted and respectful young people, who mix well and cope well in unusual situations.

What do the children get involved in?
William (15) is (like his father who played enthusiastically for the Royal Marines) a keen rugby player. He also thoroughly enjoys CCF life and is hoping for a career in the military. Emily (13) loves hockey, netball, drama, takes piano lessons, has until recently done ballet, and is passionate about art and design. She looks forward to all events in school – discos, plays, matches, etc.

How do you think it has helped them grow and develop (e.g. independence)?
I think boarding school children do, inevitably, grow up faster than their peers at day school. ‘Mum’ is not there to remind them to pack PE kit, mark personal items, put dirty kit into machines, finish prep, get to extra-curricular classes on time and so forth. They very quickly have to look after themselves and get order into their lives. Going off to university (or straight into military life) presents no challenges for those young people who have experienced boarding school.

My daughter sews her own name tapes into ‘civvies’ to take back to school; indeed I have even found her name tapes in one or two of my own things!

Yes, we miss him terribly, but …
Lindsay McCran offers the Army wife’s and mother’s view

I think that my son’s latest eco-drive is perhaps a valiant attempt to counteract the enormous carbon footprint his sister and I are stomping out – the carbon footprint that has been created out of the necessity to zip backwards and forwards between Germany and the UK since he began boarding. The one thing we really did not take on board when James started in September 2007 was quite how much travelling would be involved: James has an exeat each half-term. When you add this to half-terms and holidays you get some idea. And, yes, he could go to relatives or friends but he still misses us all like mad and seems to need those weekends to balance the boarding. He has, after all, only just turned 11.

Naturally, flight schedules don’t fit around the needs of the McCran family (Paderborn to Luton 3 x daily please, anyone?) and don’t get me started on winter timetables. We have tried 3am starts and midnight finishes and, naturally, both are horrendous especially with a three year old in tow. Our families do not live near any major airports UK side and much as we would love to ‘let the train take the strain’ the connections just don’t exist. I am now a car hire aficionado and seem to get great upgrades (is that just because I am old and safe looking?). And both families now do a nice little airport shuttle to Stansted on a regular basis.

In fact, we never appreciated the impact that James going to boarding school was going to have on the extended family. We have felt it more than ever with my husband being away on tour and, of course, all the build-up and training beforehand – sharing the travelling was impossible. Fortunately, three out of four of the grandparents are retired, as I have heavily relied upon them and their help. I am so grateful that they are willing to plan their holidays and lives around our needs.

Naturally, James has been homesick at times. Mainly at the weekends when the school empties out a fair bit and he is missing friends. We have been very fortunate in that James has been invited back to a number of day pupils’ homes for weekends and days out and I can’t thank these families enough. If we live back in the UK in the future, I will be having hoards of boarders back, as I know how much they enjoy being in the home environment. In the meantime we have had one of James’ friends over to Germany and are planning another boy’s visit as I write.

Despite all the expense and time travelling I would still advocate looking for the right school for your child, and not basing choice purely on proximity to grandparents’ homes or major airports. I am convinced that we have made the right decision in choosing a small, traditional prep school. Staff at Lockers Park School, Hertfordshire have been able to get to know James and are now in a position to offer guidance regarding choice of senior school. This really is one of the benefits of choosing an independent prep, especially if, like us, you are ‘first-time buyers’ of private education.

Well, I must dash now – Kitty and I are off to plant some trees.

‘Boarding was not something we thought would ever really happen, now we would not change anything’
John Sutherland, in the RAF Regiment currently based at Honington

Myself, Lynne and our two children returned to the UK from a Cyprus posting in February 2006. Connor, now aged 14, and Kieran, aged 10, both attended Ayios Nikloaos Primary School. Connor went on to the King Richard School in Dhekelia for approximately six months. Both were British Forces schools and the standard of education and dedication for the children were both very high.

On returning to the UK and to RAF Honington we settled in Watton, three doors up from where we left a posting in 2001. As we had lived in Watton before we were aware of the schools and standards of education received within the catchment area. Both Connor and Kieran had been used to a living in a Forces community and the opportunities offered by after-school clubs/activities, therefore we were a little concerned that the boys would need more to help expand their education and knowledge. Connor attended one of the local high schools and was achieving to a good standard of education, but always appeared to be reaching for more. After discussions with various friends and colleagues, who already had children attending Wymondham College, and then with Connor we decided to look at boarding. Connor was very enthusiastic about the possibility and we all attended the open day. We were very impressed with the whole structure and the welcoming atmosphere of the day. Connor was especially interested in talking with the student who showed the family around, who added his own interpretation of attending the college. All aspects were covered, from questions being answered to being made to feel very welcome by staff, teachers and students alike.

Soon after, Connor received a letter inviting him to attend for an interview. The interview went very well and, shortly after that, we received a letter offering him a boarding place at the college. We were all over the moon, and also a little shocked when reality hit that he would be away from the family more often. Connor started boarding at Wymondham College in September 2007, and has not looked back since. He has excelled at Wymondham, not only in his education and in terms of his dedication, but also as an individual and with his own independence; he has made a great number of friends, both adults and other students – all of which adds to the stages of entering into adulthood.

We are fortunate to live very close to the college, however we have no apprehensions about future postings, if and when one comes, we are happy knowing that Connor is settled into his life, education and environment.

Kieran, who is now ten, is also hoping to attend Wymondham starting in September 2010, and we will be applying shortly. Kieran has seen the opportunities and experiences that Connor has had and will continue to have. He also wants to board and enjoy the advantages this has to offer. We had hoped Kieran would possibly choose to be a day student for the first year, but as far as his thinking goes he wants to go straight into boarding, automatically putting our minds as parents to rest, knowing that he has watched his brother take the steps he would also like to take.

With respect to the process and paperwork within the Forces, there are plenty of places to get advice, especially CEAS, as well as other parents with children in boarding. Forms were filled out and sent to the relevant places and we waited for the reply. We were very pleased that this procedure works smoothly. With respect to costs, all is explained. Also I think it would cost us more to have Connor at home.

Logistics of love
Sophie Hickson on the joys of being the mother of boarders

I was about to work out how many miles I have driven taking the children to and from school, but with fuel prices heading into the stratosphere, I decided that I really didn’t want to know! We chose the boarding school route, we chose schools that we hoped would educate and entertain the children, and that they would enjoy. Then we had to choose the car to facilitate the endless miles that we (mostly I) would drive. For those of you who are hoping for a Jeremy Clarkson-esque review, please head straight to the next article as I’m not able to produce that kind of witty but barbed prose. The jury is still out on what we should have – we are about to enter our eighth year of transporting the kids, and their kit, to and from school, but I offer these thoughts …

The sheer volume of kit that goes in, clean, at the start of term somehow increases to manic proportions when it’s coming home, not quite so clean, and supplemented with the creations that have been lovingly produced during term. Those of us who have done a few moves can become quite proficient at packing, but it’s not a skill that children are particularly good at, unless it’s contraband into pockets. For one child: a decent-sized boot should be enough (for the kit not the child!), but add more space if they are learning a large instrument – happy memories of watching some poor father trying to fit a harp into a car as I gently placed the flute case on the passenger seat! For two children an estate car or MPV should have enough space; over that, try enquiring if a local moving firm might be able to hire out vehicles.

Then you have to consider fuel and emissions. If it’s a long drive between home and school, are there enough places to stop and fill up, or will the children become green – but hopefully without emissions – as they munch on the snack that you, just about, remembered to pack for them? If the round trip is too far to do as a day trip, is there suitable accommodation in the shape of friends or relatives that will be happy to put you up for the night, plus any attendant offspring and pets that you have been unable to offload because your other half is deployed/on exercise/not available?

If you are lucky enough to be able to go and watch sports matches, do you need to join the 4x4 club to park as close to the rugby/football/hockey pitches as you can, so you can watch the match without developing hypothermia? Would a camper van be a good idea, tea and coffee on tap? (A sure way to find foul-weather friends among the other parents.) For the summer term, how about a convertible for the cricket/rounders matches? Perhaps a nippy little sports car to cut the travelling time down to a minimum? Satnav is a must – the matches you can get to always seem to be away fixtures, but then you need plenty of space to take your own child, and a couple of spares, back to school … via the local sweet shop of course!

Towards the beginning of our time as parents of children at boarding school we rather rashly promised our eldest that, if it was possible, we would collect and return him. This was after a traumatic weekend when he was flying to Germany as an unaccompanied minor. His plane developed engine trouble and returned to Gatwick where he was put on a different plane and flown back out to Germany. He wasn’t particularly bothered, but I was at Hanover airport where, as the hours ticked by but the coffee kept coming, I imagined him being lost during the changeover and suchlike. We eventually got home, only to find that the youngest, who was meant to be going to a friend’s house, had been put on the wrong school bus and ‘lost in the system’ for a couple of hours while there was an antiwar march going on. She was fine, but the gin bottle took a bit of a hit!

With this promise hanging round our necks, I spent hours driving and flying across Europe to be with him for exeats from school, or to collect and return him for half-terms once he had used his entitled flights. That was the easy bit – the youngest was still able to come with me; now, though, after one blissful year when they were at the same school, I have two sets of holidays at two different schools that are miles apart! It’s not too bad when the holidays start on different days but I have yet to work out how I can be in Sussex at 12.15pm and Peterborough at 12.30pm without resorting to the use of a helicopter! The last time this happened the eldest was collected by daddy in a truck, privately owned but still a truck, while I sat in a car park formerly known as the M25. Not very stylish but there was plenty of room for his kit!

The best thing about the travelling is that it does give some time for me and the children – quite often on a one-to-one basis – to talk to each other. You avoid seeing the squirms of embarrassment as you touch on delicate subjects, or the look of horror when you let slip some little gem that lets your child know that you were young once, and at heart still are. It’s horrid having to drive off and leave them behind but when you collect them they are yours, all yours, just for a couple of hours – but only if the iPod has run out of power and there is no reception on the mobile.

For whose benefit? A family perspective
Commander Tim Green, Royal Navy

If you are seeking a demanding job with plenty of variety and challenges, both mentally and physically, the Armed Forces is a good choice. However, it is just this variety that can present one of the most significant challenges, with the family instability brought about by the changes in location potentially every couple of years. Julie- Marie and I have lived in most corners of the UK (Portsmouth, Plymouth, Farnborough, Scotland and Shrivenham), in Italy and Belgium, with each move bringing the associated changes to domestic life: doctors, dentists, hairdressers and schools. If these family upheavals are not stressful enough, on many occasions Julie-Marie has had to cope by herself while I have disappeared from the face of the earth for several months at a time on deployments. A boarding school education is one way of relieving some of the pressure of these moves, providing an element of an established environment for your children, in terms of a stable education and continuity of friendships. It is not an option that suits everyone, but it is the solution that we opted for as a family.

I was blessed with a pretty stable education, one move aged eight, thereafter one school for my O-levels and a sixth-form college for my A-levels. Naturally, when we started a family I never thought that it would be any different for my children. Our first move as a married couple was to Plymouth, with two boys and another child on the way. While Devon-based, our family grew to four children, with our two eldest sons and their younger sister moving through a local nursery into primary school and our youngest son at home. During this time I had to attend two career courses, both of which were for extended periods outside the Plymouth area, and I chose to commute weekly. After six years living in one spot I moved to a staff appointment in Farnborough and, with the chance to be together most nights, we decided that this would be a family move. However, the reality of Service life kicked in and eight months later we were on the move again, north-bound to Scotland so that I could take my Command. This was great for me as it was the reason that I had joined the Royal Navy, but for my children it meant three schools in under a year. If the stress of the relocations was not enough, we had difficulties during both moves finding schools that could accommodate all three children. The first move came with the added pressure of attending an appeal panel for my second son to gain entry into the same school as his siblings. On the second occasion it was the anxiety of joining a waiting list for our son and daughter to attend the same local school as their elder brother.

For the children, moving twice in relatively quick succession and not knowing how long they would be in one spot was quite unsettling. The biggest issues were having to make new friends, and stability in education. Educationally, we moved at the time when they were probably better served by only having to learn one technique for the foundation subjects such as reading, mathematics and handwriting style. This was also the time when coursework was becoming an important part of many secondary education syllabuses to supplement the end of course examinations. We were becoming conscious of the potential disruption of any future moves and ultimately the performance of our children in external examinations.

We never started a family with any intention of sending them away for a boarding school education, and certainly we had never planned financially for such an event, but with the prospect of a move at the end of four happy years in Scotland, with our eldest son in secondary school and three children in primary school, we began to consider their future. Another move was unavoidable – our eldest would be entering Year 9 and number two son and our daughter would be following into secondary education in relatively short order. Where would I be appointed, what would the local schools be like and would we be able to get the children into the schools of our choice? We had to be honest and ask ourselves: was keeping them at home in their best interests or were we just being selfish to satisfy our own parental instincts. We started looking at the possibilities of a boarding school education.

We looked at a large number of schools on the internet and obtained prospectuses from about 30, covering areas of the country that were either close to family or equidistant from likely areas of future appointments. In addition to location there was the element of cost – we were destined to have at least one child at the school for 12 years, and for five of those years there was potential for paying fees for three children at the same time. We whittled the list of candidate schools down to six, which we visited.

Choosing the right school
Four children is a great number but as they get older they develop their own personalities, likes and dislikes and, with each, their very different requests for extra-curricular activities. As parents, we all know how difficult if can be to balance the timetable that these demands place on us – rugby training for one, scouts for another, piano lessons for the third, etc. Our children certainly span the spectrum, and one of the most important things was to find a school that could cater for all their needs.

In terms of academic work, we wanted a well-balanced curriculum that encouraged a science and a foreign language through to GCSE. We were also looking for a school that, although selective, would cater for differing academic abilities. For sports, not every child is a budding international rugby or cricket player and we wanted somewhere that catered for those with interests outside the mainstream team sports – rugby and cricket for boys, hockey and netball for girls. The Royal Hospital School has a proud record in major sports but it also offers a considerable breadth of sports with appeal for all.

For us it was important that full boarding meant just that: boarding for the entire term. What happens at weekends is worthy of some consideration. We were looking at two aspects of this: first, we did not want compulsory exeat weekends when everyone has to leave the school – such a situation is no good if you are based at the other end of the country or serving abroad; second, if the school predominantly serves a local area it is easy for boarding houses to empty at weekends, with many of the children going home after the Saturday sports fixture.

Then there’s pastoral care – will the school look after my child? It is not just the teacher/pupil relationship and anti-bullying regimes, but also the pupil/pupil relationships around the school and in the boarding houses, and such things as the monitoring of ‘prep’. These sorts of things can best be assessed by visiting the school.

Finally, and no less important, there is the cost. If you have not planned for a boarding school education how do you meet the cost? For us, there was the potential (and now a reality) to have at least three children at boarding school for a number of years. But cost is not just about the fees, it is also the added extras, whether uniform upkeep, insurance, educational trips, extra-curricular activities or pocket money. It all adds up and has to be factored into your budgeting. We had to be realistic about what we could afford and, to a certain extent, this became a compromising factor for location. Although many schools will offer a sibling discount, it is the Continuity of Education Allowance (CEA) that makes boarding school a viable option when you have a large family.

So, with six years’ experience as parents of boarding school children how do we think we are faring? Who has actually benefited? In sum, the whole family. The Royal Hospital School has been an excellent choice. The major disadvantage is clearly that we do not see the children every day. Having spent much of my time separated from them, at sea, this is probably harder for Julie-Marie. We have not been able to support as many sports fixtures, house plays or other performances as we would like, although we visit every two to three weeks during term. One of the pleasant surprises has been the amount of contact we have with staff – not just boarding housemasters/mistresses but with all staff at every visit to the school. The extremely friendly environment has often provided that snippet of ‘inside information’ on our children’s school life that allows you to share the experience.

All the children have groups of friends that I am certain they will keep for life. Our eldest son has left with a string of good academic qualifications but, just as important, a rounded education that has provided him with the confidence and independence to move on to university. Our daughter and other two sons are all thriving academically, and all are making the most of the opportunity to participate in significantly more activities than perhaps they would have had the chance to do if at home, reliant on mum and dad to fetch and carry.

There is nothing more depressing, but at the same time uplifting, than your son or daughter telling you that they cannot wait to get back to school.

Boarding school – one parent’s retrospective view
Recently retired Rocky Goodall reflects

Introduction
In agreeing to write a parent’s view, I accept that decisions on whether to send one’s children to boarding school, and when and where to send them, are very personal. They require a multitude of factors to be taken into consideration and most of those will be unique to the individuals concerned. I am therefore not trying to preach, teach or advertise. I hope that this article might inform your thinking if you are considering these momentous personal decisions. Our two daughters attended boarding school under BSA rules over a period of nine years.

Background
Service life has changed significantly since we made our decisions, but it seems to me that enforced separation, turbulence and frequent postings remain an essential factor of Service life. Stability of family life, education and friends therefore remains problematic for many of the children of Servicemen and women today. I need not rehearse all our details – suffice it to say that, following our marriage in 1973 until our younger daughter went to university in 1996, we lived in 18 different flats or houses. We had six tours in Germany and four in the UK, we attended two major staff courses, each of a year’s duration, and I undertook two operational detachments. Significantly, my wife was required to accompany me on my three command appointments. Had she not agreed to follow the flag, I would not have been given command in rank and would therefore have been very poorly placed for subsequent promotion.

Considerations
We confronted the boarding school issue seriously when our children were six and four years old. If we were to opt for a full career beyond 38, when the children would be ten and eight, we wanted to have the flexibility to choose to send both to the best boarding school we could afford. We knew that neither set of grandparents, nor our siblings, would be able to offer any help, either financial or physical. We also decided that the girls should go together to the same school and that eleven and nine years old were the very earliest ages we would consider sending them. We had a minimum of four years to plan and prepare.

What could we afford?
In order to quantify the funding problem, we looked at the full list of girls’ boarding schools in ascending order of fees. We chose a representative school about three-quarters of the way up the list, and inflated the fees at 10% pa and the BSA at 5% for the period until the girls were 18. We felt that this would provide realistic annual targets. Our first conclusion was that the early years would be the biggest problem and that we would need to use our savings. We took advice from seniors, peers, financial articles and brokers. We decided to make our savings tax efficient wherever possible and to use a number of smaller schemes rather than a few big ones, as a way of spreading risk. We used investment trusts and tax-free savings schemes for the latter years and National Savings tax-free fixed interest schemes to fund the early years. Saving for school fees was our number one saving priority and we made the maximum use of regular savings schemes. We discovered a Friendly Society where all four of us could save £21.25 per month, either directly or through an annuity. This was grossed up to £25.00 and all the proceeds were tax free. In all, we had to save some 36% of our disposable income (about 15% of our total income) from the time we decided to fund school fees.

The reality
Some four years later, the girls embarked together on life at boarding school, aged eleven and nine. Importantly, we had a significant group of potential schools from which to choose because we knew we could afford the fees. The selection process over the four years was daunting as the children developed and our criteria changed. We spent a great deal of time and care making the final selection, having reduced the contenders to a shortlist. In making that final selection, we weighted all the factors in order of importance as we saw them. All in all, boarding school proved to be a good preparation for university. Both our daughters went on to achieve good degrees and are very happy living and working in London.

On reflection
Hindsight is a wonderful thing and, on balance, we got right about as much as we got wrong in choosing the school. Of course, we have nothing to compare our decisions against and no way of knowing what might have happened in different circumstances. In particular, on the down side, the school we chose had three headmistresses in the nine years and there were two small but significant recessions, which had an adverse effect on stability of the girls’ friends. I doubt we could have anticipated either problem.

Financial planning
Our financial planning, on the other hand, proved to be remarkably accurate and extremely useful. Here, too, circumstances changed significantly. My records show that we needed to find £171 in the first and £53 in the second year from income, in addition to our savings, to cover the balance of fees. Thereafter all fees could be met from savings. We were also fortunate that our daughters won scholarships and exhibitions on entry to the sixth form, worth 33% and 25% of the total fees, respectively. Scholarships are an important addition to any list of criteria and certainly made a considerable difference to the fees.

I was also fortunate to be promoted at fairly regular intervals and, with the scholarships, we were, from the fifth year, able to pay the fees from income rather than savings. Four of our original eleven taxfree savings plans are still running. The others provided rent and living expenses through university, and helped provide the girls with their first deposits as they clawed their way onto the housing ladder. In conclusion, and from our experience, I would say plan for school fees from birth, be realistic in your goals, and stick with it. BSA was essential for us, but any savings will come in very handy even if your circumstances change and you decide not to send your children to boarding school. University is also a daunting financial challenge.