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‘I blamed the single-sex boarding school for the shyness, awkwardness and incomprehension that characterised my relations with girls long after schooldays had ended. I suspect that the school only exacerbated aspects of my personality, but that did not weaken my determination to destroy the single sex edifice, to take revenge upon it while freeing the next generation from its curse.’

So wrote John Rae, reflecting on his decision to admit girls to the sixth form at Westminster, in his book, Letters from Schools, published in 1987. Eleven years later, in another collection entitled Letters to Parents, in response to the question, ‘What are the differences between the academic advantages of single sex schools and the social advantages of co-education?’ he said:

‘I think that some of the claims made for co-education are over stated. Is it really true that children educated in co-educational schools are more at ease with the opposite sex, have a richer and more rounded education and are better prepared to live in the real world whatever that may be?’

What do these quotations from one of the most eminent heads of the second half of the twentieth century suggest about the debate? First, that opinions are affected by personal experience, which is generally dated and may not be objective; second, that opinions change over time; third, that the conventional wisdom – that single sex is better academically and co-ed better socially – is glib and deserves to be challenged. Rae’s experience expressed in the first extract provides part of the explanation for the growth of co-ed schools (generally the result of boys’- only schools opening their doors to girls) from the 1970s onwards. Economic factors provided other reasons.

There are still many parents today whose belief in co-education is a response to the shortcomings of their own single-sex school, but times have changed greatly and single-sex schools have flourished because they have acted to address the perceived weaknesses while preserving strengths. I believe that single-sex education can bring real benefits, but I am not a zealot and am suspicious of those who see it as a necessary and sufficient condition for excellence.

The perceived shortcomings in social education have been addressed by boarding schools becoming more open in terms of time at home, and more open in their contact with girls and co-ed schools. At Radley boys have social events with girls virtually every weekend, but the real transformation has occurred through the revolution in communications: email, text, mobile phones and social networking sites such as Facebook have offered the opportunity for friendships across the sexes to be maintained and enhanced. There is no evidence that Radleians have been disadvantaged in their relationships at university because they went to an all-boys school.

Essentially, the time for socialising is compartmentalised; during the week there is not the pressure to meet in groups after prep that I felt was a limitation on extra-curricular activity in the co-ed school I ran. I do not think it is coincidental that participation by boys in music, drama, societies and other voluntary activities thrives in all boys schools. There is the possibility for boys to continue enjoying boy-like things that much longer too.

As regards academic development, the debate continues and, I suspect, will never be resolved because the sort of controlled experiment necessary is not possible to engineer. What is apparent is that there is more and more evidence that there are merits in teaching boys in a different way from girls because the way in which they learn during the adolescent years is markedly different. When I first taught in a co-ed school I remember thinking hard how best to teach girls; what I was unprepared for was the difference of teaching boys in a co-ed class. There was no doubt that they were more sensitive to the attitudes of the rest of the class, often less willing to participate and paradoxically more inclined to play the role they thought they were expected to play. As a teacher I found that the humour that had worked well with all boys’ classes and the ability to use their natural competitiveness to enhance standards had to be moderated.

The most important thing for parents choosing a school is an open mind. Friends will be quick to offer advice, but the temptation to pigeonhole schools and trot out the old and dated mantras about boarding/day, single-sex/co-ed remains. I would suggest visiting singlesex and co-ed schools. The key is to establish the true quality of a place: does it have an imaginative, ambitious and hard-working teaching staff, strong leadership, a commitment to the broadest of educations, tireless and sensitive pastoral care? If this is in place your son should thrive.